I don't know exactly what I want to say on here anymore.  I know everyone wants to know our family updates and how we are doing, but I have just lost all desire to do this blog anymore.  I am sorry to those of you who haven't received call backs or thank you notes from me.  I just can't do it all and I am now just finally realizing it myself and coming to terms with it.   I am now really doing the work of two people; time is not on my side anymore.  I want to post a few things and I will try to do an update once a month for those of you who want to check the blog.  

Well its been 8 weeks since Jon's passing.  Every Saturday marks another week that I have to live without my partner and best friend, but time just keeps moving and I can't stop it.  I talk about him every day with the kids and some days the tears just keep flowing, but over all things have been going pretty steady.   I have to say everything is falling into place and we have really been taken care of.  Our family, our ward, our neighbors, our friends, they have all been here for us and supporting us every step of the way.  I had a few things to do around the house and I had so many guys from my ward step up and volunteer to help, that it was more then enough help. Its just been an incredible journey.

Sadly, even when you don't want life to move on, it still does.  I am trying to come to terms with this concept.   I still have to get up everyday and feed the kids and clean the house, and I guess just live.  I know people have not forgotten, but the eight weeks have really not made things any better or easier.  It still is very much an open wound to me and I feel very much hurt.    Jon and I talked about me having to live life without him and he told me he would be so mad if he was looking down on me and saw me so sad and staying in bed all day.  He told me I had to get up and be a mom and live life and be happy.  I say now "Thanks Jon easier said then done though babe".

Nights are still the worst.  I can keep myself busy for the most part during the day, but at night I really feel the aloneness and the sleeping is bad.  I started sleeping with little Max and of course he loves it and I actually do to.  Sometimes because of the kicks in the head, I don't get the full night of sleep I need, but overall its okay.  I do love it.  He is my new little cuddle buddy.

Jon's headstone will be up by Memorial day and I am very happy about that.  I think I found a good design for the headstone and I know I will be very happy with it.   Max is playing T-ball right now and I get to be the coach for the team that we just named the Mesquito's.  He is loving the baseball and is really a little natural.  Kena is just as happy as always.  She is just a great little girl and really easy for an almost two year old.    We are going to be starting some family therapy sessions because I want to make sure the kids are as well rounded and I guess as okay as possible.  I want them to have as little issues in the future as realistically as I can, so I thought a little therapy can't hurt work out some of the kinks.  

Thanks so much everyone for your kindness and patience with me.   I really do feel blessed in a weird sort of way.  My testimony has grown so much these last few months and I feel so much stronger in faith.  I at times had some big rocks to go over with my anger issues with God, but now I am leveling out the wrinkles and have come to realize even though I don't understand His will, I know there was a reason and lesson to be learned from this and I respect that.  I pray for understanding every night and I think that is one of the reasons why my anger kind of disappeared.  I will keep in touch, but for right now that is all I have to say.  My little guy is curled up next to me sound asleep and I have to go be with him and finally put him to bed.  Please take care and know I pray for all of you and hope The Spirit can be with you always.

Jon's Obituary

Jonathon Harold Moroni Unander, 31, passed away peacefully at his home in Provo, Utah, March 20th, 2010.

He was born on November 18th, 1978 in Fort Collins, Colorado to Gary Unander and Jayanne Edwards Unander. Jon went to school in Riverton, graduating from Bingham High School in 1997. Jon was an Elder in The Church of Jesus Chris of Latter Day Saints and served a mission in Guayaquil, Ecuador. He was employed at the Utah State Drivers License Division as a Hearing Officer in Orem and was currently attending Utah Valley University. Jon had a passion for structural design and had the dream of being an Architect.
Jon married his true love and best friend, Tiffany Gardner on August 15, 2002 in front of family and friends. On September (), 2003 they were sealed for time and all eternity in the Timpanogos Temple. They were blessed with two very special children. He has a son, his best buddy and shadow, Maxwell, age 4, that loved to do everything with daddy and was his little helper. He shared a very special bond and many of the same unique characteristics with Max. He also has a beautiful daughter Kenadee, age 1, who is a true daddy’s girl. She loves her daddy so much and walks around saying “Hi, Daddy.”

Jon had many talents and hobbies but his greatest gift, and cherished love, was his family. Time spent with them was what he lived for. He was a loving husband and a wonderful father. He was always so fun and slow to anger. He loved life and lived it to the fullest extent possible. He always had an optimistic attitude and kept that until the day he passed. He loved playing soccer, drawing and playing board games with his son, chasing, holding and snuggling with his daughter, and just being around the wonderful extended family that he loved so much. Jon was a true family man and will be missed by all who knew him.
Jon is survived by his wife and children, parents, parents-in-law, a sister, grand parents and many other wonderful extended family members who love him very dearly.
A viewing will be held at Berg Mortuary in Orem on Thursday, March 25th, from 6-8 pm. Funeral services will be at the Bonneville 12th ward in Provo (1289 E. 300 S.) on Friday, March 26th at 11 am. Jon will be layed to rest at the East Lawn Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, donations will be accepted by the family at any Wells Fargo bank in the name of Jonathon Unander.

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The original obituary that was in the paper can be viewed here:
http://ads.heraldextra.com/articles/2010/03/24/obituaries/356315.txt

Obituary for Jon

I will be posting Jon's obituary in just a little while for all of you who didn't see it in the Daily Herald yesterday. I also have a bunch of pictures to post, I just need a little help with them :)
The funeral services are being held on Friday March 26, 2010 at 11 am at our chapel. (around 1200 East 300 South, Provo). All friends and family can come to Berg Mortuary in Orem tonight from 6-8 pm. to pay their respects and condolences to our family. I have chosen to lay to rest Jon at East lawn Memorial Hills right after the funeral services. It is a beautiful place that I know my children and I can go for peace and mediation in months and years to come.

Check back in just a few hours and everything should be all updated. Thanks so much for all of the support and love my family has received. It has been one busy week, but somehow we have managed to get through all the planning and preparation work that comes along with funerals. I know from all of the prayers we have received on our behalf.

This week has been the hardest and most trying time of my life. My husband, Jonathon passed away at our home on Saturday after his 6 month battle with Melanoma. We as a family are deeply saddened by this, but know Jon is in a better place with his Heavenly Father and other family members who have passed on. He is no longer in pain and back to his wonderful, happy self. He will be greatly missed by so many including of course our little children, Kena and Max.

A viewing will take place on Thursday night from 6-8pm at the Orem Berg Mortuary at 500 N. State St. The funeral will be on Friday at 11 am. at our church house located on 300 S. just a few blocks up from 9th East on the north side of the street. All friends and family are invited to attend. I would love to meet some of you that I have only been emailing. I love to meet new supportive people.

Thank you everyone for all of the support we have received from all of you these past 6 months. Our family has been so blessed, that I really can't be mad at God right now for taking my husband. All of the prayers have helped us so much these past weeks and months. It has really made everything a little more bearable for my family. Thank you again to for the donations. We greatly appreciate it and please know they will be put to good use with my family.

Continue please to pray for me and my children. We need to feel the love of Our Lord, Jesus Christ and feel His strength in our lives.

Love, Tiffany

To Everyone

I have not wanted to write what I am about to say on this blog and that is why it has taken me a few days to try and adjust a little, but Friday we went to our Oncology appointment we thought to discuss our treatment options and found out far more then we wanted to at this time.

The doctor could tell Jon's cancer was still progressing because of the measurement growths that seemed to have doubled in just over a week even though we were taking the Temadar chemotherapy. We were hoping to seek additional advice on treatments, but the doctor could tell how weak Jon had gotten and sick since the last visit which was about two weeks ago. He thought Jon had a Pulmonary Embolism because his heart rate for the last week has been in the 130's-140's and his oxygen saturations in the 80%.

He said he wanted to do a CT scan in order to diagnoses the Pulmonary Embolism and the best option would be to check into the hospital and get it done faster while Jon got to just rest in bed. So we said fine and checked into the fourth floor and I went home to gather up things and get a doggie sitter for the dogs.

Well I could tell something was wrong when I came back to the hospital because Jon's parents were there and everyone had teary eyes including Jon. At that point Jon told me that our doctor had come in a little while before and the results were not good. The doctor told Jon that it was not a pulmonary embolism affecting his breathing and heart rate, it was the cancer.

The cancer had grown so much these past couple of weeks that it now completely enveloped both lungs, is pressing on his heart and all the main arteries suppling his brain and upper arms. Jon can hardly swallow at this point because of two tumors in his neck. The doctor said he was so sorry and that the cancer was to progressed to go any further with treatment even if he had any to give, which he didn't.

So We came home on Hospice and said goodbye to Huntsman and to our doctors. We are praying for understanding of why this has occurred and know it must be for a very good reason. Jon is needed on the other side very much and has to leave us, even though I just can't believe it and don't understand one bit.

I feel mad and frustrated that we didn't have more time. We have been fighting this cancer for 6 good, hard long months and still nothing has been able to stop or even slow it down. Jon thinks that Heavenly Father has answered our prayers and granted us more time together here on earth and that a miracle has taken place. He feels like that is the reason he is still alive right now and the doctors couldn't explain why he is still even breathing with so much cancer. I guess he is right, it just wasn't exactly the time I was thinking of.

Jon would like to see anyone who would like to see him. The doctor has given him maybe a few weeks left of life and so time is precious to us, but if you would like to stop bye for goodbyes all friends and family are welcome to come for a short visit. I would like everyone to call ahead of time, just to make sure Jon is feeling up to it. He is very tired and weak. If you don't have our phone number please just email me or call my sister Kristen at 801-222-9506.

Thank you everyone for your loving support you have shown us through our battle. We please ask to continue your prayers on our behalf and ask The Spirit to be with us and to comfort us. I am trying to take one hour at a time and pray for strength and support from Our Father in Heaven. We love you all and ask for the spirit to be with you all as well.

Truly Your Tiffany

Coming Home

Hi we get to come home today. Jon is still receiving radiation to his lumbar spine and will continue to do so as an out-patient for the next couple of days. They have also put him on a strong steroid, so hopefully no more damage will occur to his spinal cord. The IV pain medications have really helped to get this pain under control. We are so happy to go home. Neither of us has been able to get any sleep here because the nurses never leave us alone. I guess I can't blame them for doing their job.
Our Oncologist, Dr. Grossmann is unsure right now if this whole ordeal is an indicator as to the non-effectiveness of the chemotherapy drug, Temodar we were taking last week or not. There are a couple different areas on Jon's body that are superficial nodular cancer tumors that we can measure and feel, so we can determine their size. The plan is for me to check the measurements of these areas in one week and if there is any differences in size then I am to let Dr. Grossmann know. If they are growing then we will try a different treatment asap he said. I hope that is true however and there will be no more of a waiting period because we are really getting down to the wire.
Thanks to all of those who fasted with us and are praying for us on Jon's behalf. We are feeling good today. It's always good for me to have a plan and then a back up plan for my mind to be able to get some peace. We are staying positive and are still praying for a miracle and understanding of this trial. Thanks for all of the support everyone has given to us. Its wonderful to know how much we are cared for by so many.

Hospital stay

Hi everyone. We had some scary news on Friday that ended us in the hospital, but luckily it seems like we might have caught it in time. On Thursday Jon had an MRI done of his left leg because of an increase in his pain lasting over two weeks that has been hard to control and because he has decreased feeling and sensation as well. He has been using a walker now at home and has had two falls in the last week :(

We got the call on Friday what exactly was causing it. The MRI showed that Jon's lumbar region of his spine has cancer and it was starting to press on his spinal cord. The Doctor was really concerned that Jon could if not treated ASAP loss all sensation to his leg along with the bowel and bladder control. So the first step was getting him checked into the hospital and getting treatment done as soon as possible. After discussing all of our options we and the Doctors decided on some radiation to his spinal cord and a strong steroid that will help with any inflammation in that area. We got started on the radiation today (Sat) and will have a total of 5 strong radiation treatments. The Doctors think that of course the radiation should help the pain and also that over time will shrink the tumors, but unfortunately the damage already done to his spinal cord is non-reversible.

He thankfully is more stable and started on treatment so, the Radiologists think there is nothing that should be holding us in the hospital any longer then tomorrow, but ultimately its up to our Oncologist. We want to go home and hope it will be tomorrow, but right now its not decided.

We are trying to stay positive and keep praying for a miracle. My in-laws have been researching some very promising clinical trials that are going on around the United States right now that I am going to ask our doctor about the next chance I get and continue to research on my own. I feel strongly that we are going to have to take more of an active role in Jon's treatment and have a back up plan just in case. We are not giving up the fight easily!! and we are not just going to do what the doctor says, we are going to do what's best and benefits us. We are going to pray and do what we feel we have to at this point.

My family and I have decided to hold a fast for Jon tomorrow. I don't feel like waiting until next Sunday because we need the blessings now. I know it is late notice, but if you would like to participate please do. Our little family is suffering and we need some positive thoughts and feelings in our spirits to keep us strong. Keep praying and stay positive for us. May the spirit be with you all and thanks for the support and love we have received. We couldn't ask for better people to be associated with then all of you.